everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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