What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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