so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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