shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just pee around me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
