My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
