I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
