I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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