apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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