I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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