I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
