Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just high enough for therapy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
