wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
