2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
