So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
