In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
