lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
