she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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