hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize