the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
