Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
