When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Farmville is her only friend.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
