lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize