if i can run in heels then i can drive
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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