if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
