Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
