i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
