when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
