Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
