How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize