There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
