In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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