and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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