dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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