there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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