somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
