This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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