That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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