ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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