i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
