I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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