Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
