My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
