me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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