I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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