no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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