Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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