oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
