the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize