she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
