I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
