i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
