Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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