I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Terrible idea I love it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
