Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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