Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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