she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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