i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
